That's Nasty! Worst of 2017: Sleeves, WTF.

by Simone

Let's continue my series of worst trends of the year posts not with a rant about the pernicious trend towards complete and total capitalist fascism that is sweeping our country, but with a rant about something way more important and timely: SLEEVES AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM THESE DAYS.

You may be asking yourself, but Simone, what's wrong with sleeves? Aren't they just arm coverings that attach to your shirt or whatever? Maybe you're being a little too sensitive What could possibly be the issue?

THE ISSUE IS THIS:

 Fucking floppy ass plate-skimmers from J.Crew.

Fucking floppy ass plate-skimmers from J.Crew.

I cannot with this floppy, bell-sleeve, tied-sleeve, ruffled-sleeve, BALLOON-sleeve trend. First of all, all that fabric flopping around your wrists and hands - all I can think about is trying to eat literally anything - that fabric is immediately gonna get dunked in your soup, dragged through your salad, plopped into your pasta sauce. NOT TO MENTION that this trend is basically a re-imagining of the horrific "poet's blouse" trend of 1992-3. And do I really need to remind you of THIS?

 Madewell gets in on the tiered-bell-sleeve action.

Madewell gets in on the tiered-bell-sleeve action.

Second of all, I'm not talking about tailored, beautifully crafted crazy sleeves of ye olden times, nor some sort of intricately detailed couture sleeve from a vintage Balenciaga design. Nor is this a  CAMPY dramatic sleeve - crazy ruffled puffy sleeves on a 1930s gown, or a fabulous flowy butterfly sleeve on a caftan - THAT I appreciate! This shit is hella boring, made of shitty materials, and like... not fun in any way.

 Grey. Random tiers of floppy ruffles. Made of sweatshirt materials. WHY.

Grey. Random tiers of floppy ruffles. Made of sweatshirt materials. WHY.

I mean, I know that Mary already wrote about this, but WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THE RANDOM-ASS RUFFLES? It's like you let an overly confident fifth-grader loose in a fabric store with a pair of scissors and a glue gun.

 Blahhhhhhhhhh

Blahhhhhhhhhh

 I suppose it goes without saying that I also hate the "cold shoulder" trend. I hate that it's called "cold shoulder", I want to poke everyone's weirdly bare shoulders, and also why the FUCK would you do this to a sweater, which is (ostensibly) supposed to keep you warm? I MEAN REALLY.

I suppose it goes without saying that I also hate the "cold shoulder" trend. I hate that it's called "cold shoulder", I want to poke everyone's weirdly bare shoulders, and also why the FUCK would you do this to a sweater, which is (ostensibly) supposed to keep you warm? I MEAN REALLY.

 Quel Tragique.

Quel Tragique.

 If you're gonna have ruffles burst forth from your nipples, maybe they should have a little more pizzazz. I mean what the fuck is going on here? These ruffles look like gills, and not in a fun "little mermaid" kinda way.

If you're gonna have ruffles burst forth from your nipples, maybe they should have a little more pizzazz. I mean what the fuck is going on here? These ruffles look like gills, and not in a fun "little mermaid" kinda way.

 Oh. My. God.

Oh. My. God.

Yeah, I have to actually talk about the red sweater posted above. Does anyone remember those gross chenile-ish sweaters from the later 90s - you know what i mean, they were made of polyester, and we fluffy like you'd skinned an off-brand muppet, and they would be like really small looking but they stretched out hella much when you put them on? They came in gross colors like the one above, but also BRIGHT ORANGE and CHARTREUSE. They are so cheap and disgusting, and I owned at least a couple in my teen years. That shit is not worth $88.50, much less the ORIGINAL NON-SALE PRICE OF ONE HUNDRED EIGHTEEN DOLLARS. Also: bell sleeves. Clearly this really fills me with rage. MOVING ON.

 A balloon sleeve in a grey sweater-knit. Lovely.

A balloon sleeve in a grey sweater-knit. Lovely.

 THIS SWEATER HAS A SKIN CONDITION. STAY AWAY.

THIS SWEATER HAS A SKIN CONDITION. STAY AWAY.

 Worst mermaid costume ever.

Worst mermaid costume ever.

I'll end with a more recent addition to the ridiculous sleeves trend, which is something I like to call "the straightjacket look". Yep, just slap a bow on your too-loose sleeves and you too can rock this "look"!

UGH. I'm done. Honestly, it's hard to find a sweater out there right now, guys. Can't wait for all of these pieces of crap to be dumped into the thrift stores in about 4 months.